London Calling

'for everyone to see'

Great Britain showcased its diversity credentials to the world at the Olympic Games opening ceremony by paying homage to wheelchairs and hijabs. Labour Party favourite Danny Boyle who directed this pile of shit made sure of his impending knighthood by appealing to PM David Cameron's massive appetite for socialism 'I wanted to show the world what London has become'.

Securing Your World

'all above board' 

As the Labour Party's favourite public money leech 'G4S' completely fucked up Olympic security, sunbed & surgery ponce Nick Buckles was summoned to Parliament by fellow slime Keith Vaz. Billionaire Buckles claimed they were overwhelmed with applications from islamabad & Remploy so no need to panic and refused to hand back any money as he 'cannot disagree' when ex Home Secretary Dr John Reid MP assured him there was fuck all anyone could do.

This is England

Ferdinand arriving at court  

'guilty' 

Chief Labour Party diversity officer Doreen Lawrence turned up at the anti-free speech trial of England footballer John Terry on charges made up by Anton Ferdinand. After the 'not guilty' verdict Terry said "I now await the cunts at the FA to read The Guardian, listen to Lee Jasper, completely ignore the verdict of the court and find me guilty".

All His Idea

Balls, the Baroness Vadera & Brown

complete Balls

Ex City of London Minister and shard of shit Ed Balls denied accusations he ordered the banks to fiddle the Libor rates so he could spend shit loads more tax payers money. Balls narrowly lost a recent poll to fellow evil cunt Gordon Brown as most peoples favourite to see have their neck stretched. The Shadow Chancellor said 'we didn't commit fraud we had plenty of money, we printed fucking heaps and we sold all the gold at a knockdown price'.

Bank of England

Team GB
 Bob Diamond Chloe Smith David Cameron George Osborne Stephen Hester

entitlement culture

With greedy Barclays & RBS Bankers getting caught doing more fraud, theft & deception, junior lickspittle Chloe Smith shat herself on TV after Chancellor George Osborne agreed to let the thieving cunts off by promising 'no criminal prosecutions of his best mates'. PM David Cameron pleaded "We need the banks otherwise the country will be fucked, how else can we write the child benefit cheques for all those living in London, Bradford & Birmingham not forgetting the overseas aid I'm so fond of".

All Inclusive

UNITED! - England fans celebrating victory 

Dead Red 

After England booted Ukraine out of Euro 2012, Ed Miliband decided Labour only lost the last election because they let in too many peasants from Eastern Europe 'we've listened we promise not to let any more in'. Ed compared muslim immigration as a huge success 'British muslims never complain they work hard especially Somali's who contribute enormously with huge benefits for us all'. He promised the mosque in every street policy was a massive postal vote winner 'we always put you the British people first & have the support of the Police in everything we do'.

Lions Den

'we are green!'

As the British people were force fed their usual diet of lies, bullshit & betrayal from the mouths of lying cunt politicians at the billion pound Leveson Inquiry, it was left to the useless turds that are the England football team to lift the spirits of a censored nation. And as England fucked native Swede Zlatan Ibrahimovic out of the Euro 2012 tournament, Manager Roy Hodgson promised more of the same for German Mesut Ozil, Frenchman Frank Ribery & any other convert who gets in their way. 

Free TV

'sick bag Sally Bercow'  

'loyal subjects' 

While Britain basked in the glory of Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II's Diamond Jubilee, Auntie Beeb decided to fuck everyone off and chucked up toss presenters & crap comedians for the occasion. The BBC who specialise in extortion of £145.50 and broadcasting socialist shit denied they hijacked the event to promote bollocks like Lenny Henry & Miranda Hart telling viewers 'muslims love the Queen too and were at events in their swarms'.

Dead Certs

married 

separated 

Syrian President Bashar Al Assad and his fit Mrs sent messages of support this week to British shit Mick & Mairead Philpott. As Mick and his knacker struggled to produce any real tears for the loss of their litter, they thanked the Assads for the support they had shown them and the severe financial loss they were now suffering. As they were led away to their cells, Mick who is not related to fellow worthless cunt Karen Matthews updated his Facebook status and told everyone things were fine as he still had another 11 and there was nothing to stop him having any more when he got out.

International Mugging Fund

bought

sold

After Chancellor George Osborne was spotted on a freebie at the European cup final, he invited IMF Chief Christine Lagarde over to London to further take the piss. The Chancellor who specialises in taxing people to slavery just as much as the last cunt did, told his audience 'Britain leads the world in giving all its money away and we intend to carry on!'

Euro Bonds

'Heil'

On the same day as his own inauguration new French President & socialist letch Francois Hollande ran along to Berlin and begged for money at the feet of German Chancellor Angela Merkel. As they headed off to the G8 summit in Chicago for a big fat jolly both agreed that France would carry on kissing German ring just like they always have done.

United Nations

special relationship

'LOL' 

This week live from the Oval Office, President Obama finally came out the closet and admitted he loves gay weddings. Fags, dykes & trannies all across the USA rejoiced and promised to carry on sucking his cock no matter what shit comes out his mouth. Fellow Brit, Prime Minister David Cameron also pledged his love for gay marriage and asked if British queers would suck his dick too but the answer was a big fat 'No' as Cameron is a cunt and poofs hate cunts.

London 2012

'Ken for London'

'better off with Ken'

Boris Johnson finally kicked the shit out of compulsive liar Ken Livingstone in this week’s London mayoral election. Megalomaniac Ken who lists his hobbies as Jew baiting and tax evasion spent the entire election denying he was a cunt. But the people of London had their say and declared 'Yes Ken you are a massive cunt!' 

Nothing to see here....move along

'Granddad'

'behind you'

Culture Secretary Jeremy Hunt & top politicians were shitting their load this week as Rupert Murdoch took to the stand in the Leveson Inquiry to dish the dirt on all the lying bastards in the House of Commons. Former unelected PM Gordon Brown came off worst. Murdoch said 'rumours were true Brown's wife was a dyke and her legs were foul'. Loser Brown who refuses to take his seat but claims the wages that go with it, vowed to make us all pay for voting the miserable cunt out of power.

Diversity

'Mmmm'

benefits us all

As the trial of Anders Behring Breivik got off to a bang, nobody inside Norway had a clue as to why anyone could possibly hate muslims when the people of the UK are so desperate to hang onto theirs. Britain's Abu Qatada who loves women and counts the European Union as his best friend, was tonight kissing his own arse proving his shit don't stink just like the Labour Party told us.

Benefits For All

6 weeks ago - 8 months pregnant or just a fat cunt?

Yvette Cooper, Ed Balls - kids for free

Housing Benefit skank Yvette Cooper denied Ed Balls had recently given birth. Balls due to run the London Marathon refuted allegations he's only doing it to lose the extra fat he put on whilst pregnant. Ms Cooper refused to admit her family take the fucking piss claiming tax credits and denied she wants to grab the Leadership from Ed Milliband 'Ed is the best choice as he's very popular with those voting Conservative!'