Something For Nothing

"Happy New Year Slaves!"

As MP's gorged on yuletide festivities for fucking free their mates and those who scrounged money for medals got even more off you and me. No crap Christmas for those who plunder and loot us all. More laws, more taxes and more shit in 2013 from them 650 cunts if you don't play ball.

Pigs In Blankets

Happy Christmas

A Met Police plot to force the Tories out & install their Labour Party paymasters into power was found out to be completely true. All the lying fucking shit that swell the ranks to bursting admitted they love fitting people up "we're not called cunts for nothing we'll do anybody over except for muslims we always let them off".

Married With Children

good grief

Fat old sauna queen Keith Vaz demanded compensation for families of immigrants who commit suicide. "British people must take the blame for those who hang themselves". Ed Miliband outlined Labours plan to herd in more "somalis, roma & groomers with beards, have no fear we want you to come shit on Mr & Mrs White still living here". 

UK Uncut

'head & shoulders'

With his Autumn Statement George Osborne promised lots of cuts and gave all the parasites a 1% pay rise. But massive cunt Ed Balls claimed the increase was austerity and would hurt slags, islamics & all the other shit Labour let in "Britain needs these people as we'll have no one to vote for us and nothing to piss away your money on".

Scum of the Earth

carrier

As socialist shit screamed for more censorship their leader Ed Miliband said "we support Leveson's Law, we will regulate everyone & everything". And all the thick cunts in Rotherham, Middlesbrough & Croydon agreed 'yes please Ed, we love being told what to do, fuck victims of muslim rape, we always vote for you'.

Done Deal

#askboris

Eastern European scavs were moaning the loss of free everything as David Cameron came away from the EU budget piss take pretending he'd tried really hard to keep our money away from them cunts, "peasants in Europe need our homes and jobs more than we do so we'll return in January to completely fuck ourselves over".

Great Britain

class

All the lefty cunts were loving it this week as their favourite muslim Abu Qatada won the right to a bigger house and as much money as he can cope with. Home Secretary Theresa May vowed to send him packing one day real soon, "I got rid of some last month so only five million to go now".

You Get What You Pay For

W ednesday

T hursday

F riday

With public enquiries & fucking nonces everywhere David Cameron decided to blame Twitter but by the end of the week none of his mates were in the frame after all. The BBC and greedy fat socialist cunt Tom Watson promised renewed bullshit to link Margaret Thatcher to "we won't give up, we'll study every blog till we find something".

Wonderland

double your money

twice as much 

Mighty eurosceptic David Cameron was so furious at losing a commons vote allowing him to rob us even more, he vowed to completely ignore it. Mouth wrapped round EU cock he promised them cunts 'more spends for socialist fuck'. But the Parliamentary Labour Party spoke and declared "we're just as full of shit as you and we've just as many Lord McAlpine's too!"

USA Today

'Operation Block Vote'

During the final US Presidential debate, Barack Obama promised islamists across the globe loads more licking of their medieval fucking shit and plenty more tax dollars to go with it. "Vote for me and I will fight to ensure every American family gets free food & y'all wishing you'd voted for some other cunt".

All In It Together

'sick & twisted'

Labour Party mouthpiece the BBC were this week trying to cover up the fact they keep paedophile rapists in luxury lifestyles that taxpayers are forced to fund or go to jail. The Director General denied Jimmy Savile proved what a bunch of lying thieving fucking cunts they are "nobody here knew least of all those of us who kissed his ring for six decades".

Basket Case

con job

With UK prisons filling up by the hour Foreign Secretary William Hague demanded the right to freedom of expression in pakistan. But that lot living here were too busy benefitting to give a shit over the shooting of a 14 year old girl by their very own taliban. So no flag burning, no screaming for fatwa, no shouting for jihad & no outrage for them to give a flying fuck about this week.

One Nation

'one party one state'

As all the thieving cunts in the land gathered at the annual Labour Party Conference, Leader Ed Miliband wanked off for over an hour guaranteeing he will tax & spend every fucking penny you've got. Wet with excitement Ed promised the Police anything they want, all new arrivals the red carpet and the rest of us the third world.

Bow and Scrape

Community Leader

After Barack Obama apologised to islamic scum at the UN this week fellow socialists at Rochdale Council and their mates the Police made up a pile of shit over why they do fucking nothing when young white girls get raped by pakistani men. Both denied the cover up was all about kissing muslim arse as the report clearly shows they've been sucking their cocks too.

What Goes Around....

day off

normal service resumed 

With two officers blown away this week, Police called for the death penalty for cop killers because they think they're better than the rest of us. A crackdown on tweeters, facebookers & piss takers who thought they got what was coming was well underway. Fat bastard for the Manchester Militia said "free speech is dead because we're cunts like that".

No Win No Fee

dead   

buried

Following publication of the 'Hillsborough Cover Up' claimants in Liverpool demanded loads of money from the rest of us because 96 of their mates got squashed by a stampede of South Yorkshire Bizzies 23 years ago. Statements show the police altered their usual cuntery 164 times and nobody fucking noticed. Just to take the piss the Chief Constable and 10 Home Secretaries never did either.

Hands That Do Dishes

'Mammy-In-Chief' 

As David Cameron shuffled the shit in his cabinet the USA had to stomach First Lady Michelle Obama bleating on about her bullshit poverty. The anti-American lard arse told the socialist party of America 'I deserve a second term because I'm so far up myself I piss perfume and I want you all to drink it too'.

Going For Gold

special needs 

While most MPs were on their 47 day summer break Deputy PM Nick Clegg was in his element at the Paralympic Games where he was truly inspired to dream up new window licking for the coalition. Asked if he was going to compete in any of the events the Lord President of the Council dribbled 'the rich should pay more tax so we get to spend more on wind farms and fucking shit like this'.

Spot the Difference

mad 

bad   

In the week the Norwegian courts ruled the shooting of socialists by Anders Breivik to be perfectly sane, Scotland's very own Marxist cunt George Galloway denied rape existed or indeed is a crime under islam. The muslim brotherhood MP famous for sucking Hamas cock told his viewers 'legitimate rape is only when the child is under nine'.

Hands of the Ripper

Julian Assange - 'in hiding '   

Sweating like a cunt Foreign Secretary William Hague denied the UK Government are a bunch of fucking Nazis for only bothering to enforce USA extradition laws against whitey but making sure muslim terrorists get to stay here forever tax free. Closet Hague blasted "rest assured those threatening to blow us up don't get millions of pounds in legal aid & income support for themselves or their massive families".

In The Red Corner

'they should be in green' 

Free ticket holder David Cameron went to the Olympic boxing and ignored cries from the crowd to get in the ring for a quick demonstration. The PM clearly pissed off by his early morning radio interview when a woman with cancer told him what a cunt he is for taking her wages and giving them to wife beaters abroad. But the multi-millionaire dismissed her claim for life saving drugs 'we have a moral duty to pay for pakistan as they are our future'.

Inspire a Generation

'Tweet Crime'

Vladamir Putin & Cameron: 'we're in green'  

Any free thoughts there was free speech in GB was laughed off by PM David Cameron after he sat on his arse and did nothing as Police kicked in the doors of two children and arrested them for tweeting to gayboy Tom Daley. Cameron denied he was a leftwing cunt who suppresses British people even more than socialists 'muslims descend here from all over the third world because we really are so free'.

London Calling

'for everyone to see'

Great Britain showcased its diversity credentials to the world at the Olympic Games opening ceremony by paying homage to wheelchairs and hijabs. Labour Party favourite Danny Boyle who directed this pile of shit made sure of his impending knighthood by appealing to PM David Cameron's massive appetite for socialism 'I wanted to show the world what London has become'.

Securing Your World

'all above board' 

As the Labour Party's favourite public money leech 'G4S' completely fucked up Olympic security, sunbed & surgery ponce Nick Buckles was summoned to Parliament by fellow slime Keith Vaz. Billionaire Buckles claimed they were overwhelmed with applications from islamabad & Remploy so no need to panic and refused to hand back any money as he 'cannot disagree' when ex Home Secretary Dr John Reid MP assured him there was fuck all anyone could do.

This is England

Ferdinand arriving at court  

'guilty' 

Chief Labour Party diversity officer Doreen Lawrence turned up at the anti-free speech trial of England footballer John Terry on charges made up by Anton Ferdinand. After the 'not guilty' verdict Terry said "I now await the cunts at the FA to read The Guardian, listen to Lee Jasper, completely ignore the verdict of the court and find me guilty".

All His Idea

Balls, the Baroness Vadera & Brown

complete Balls

Ex City of London Minister and shard of shit Ed Balls denied accusations he ordered the banks to fiddle the Libor rates so he could spend shit loads more tax payers money. Balls narrowly lost a recent poll to fellow evil cunt Gordon Brown as most peoples favourite to see have their neck stretched. The Shadow Chancellor said 'we didn't commit fraud we had plenty of money, we printed fucking heaps and we sold all the gold at a knockdown price'.

Bank of England

Team GB
 Bob Diamond Chloe Smith David Cameron George Osborne Stephen Hester

entitlement culture

With greedy Barclays & RBS Bankers getting caught doing more fraud, theft & deception, junior lickspittle Chloe Smith shat herself on TV after Chancellor George Osborne agreed to let the thieving cunts off by promising 'no criminal prosecutions of his best mates'. PM David Cameron pleaded "We need the banks otherwise the country will be fucked, how else can we write the child benefit cheques for all those living in London, Bradford & Birmingham not forgetting the overseas aid I'm so fond of".

All Inclusive

UNITED! - England fans celebrating victory 

Dead Red 

After England booted Ukraine out of Euro 2012, Ed Miliband decided Labour only lost the last election because they let in too many peasants from Eastern Europe 'we've listened we promise not to let any more in'. Ed compared muslim immigration as a huge success 'British muslims never complain they work hard especially Somali's who contribute enormously with huge benefits for us all'. He promised the mosque in every street policy was a massive postal vote winner 'we always put you the British people first & have the support of the Police in everything we do'.

Lions Den

'we are green!'

As the British people were force fed their usual diet of lies, bullshit & betrayal from the mouths of lying cunt politicians at the billion pound Leveson Inquiry, it was left to the useless turds that are the England football team to lift the spirits of a censored nation. And as England fucked native Swede Zlatan Ibrahimovic out of the Euro 2012 tournament, Manager Roy Hodgson promised more of the same for German Mesut Ozil, Frenchman Frank Ribery & any other convert who gets in their way. 

Free TV

'sick bag Sally Bercow'  

'loyal subjects' 

While Britain basked in the glory of Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II's Diamond Jubilee, Auntie Beeb decided to fuck everyone off and chucked up toss presenters & crap comedians for the occasion. The BBC who specialise in extortion of £145.50 and broadcasting socialist shit denied they hijacked the event to promote bollocks like Lenny Henry & Miranda Hart telling viewers 'muslims love the Queen too and were at events in their swarms'.

Dead Certs

married 

separated 

Syrian President Bashar Al Assad and his fit Mrs sent messages of support this week to British shit Mick & Mairead Philpott. As Mick and his knacker struggled to produce any real tears for the loss of their litter, they thanked the Assads for the support they had shown them and the severe financial loss they were now suffering. As they were led away to their cells, Mick who is not related to fellow worthless cunt Karen Matthews updated his Facebook status and told everyone things were fine as he still had another 11 and there was nothing to stop him having any more when he got out.

International Mugging Fund

bought

sold

After Chancellor George Osborne was spotted on a freebie at the European cup final, he invited IMF Chief Christine Lagarde over to London to further take the piss. The Chancellor who specialises in taxing people to slavery just as much as the last cunt did, told his audience 'Britain leads the world in giving all its money away and we intend to carry on!'

Euro Bonds

'Heil'

On the same day as his own inauguration new French President & socialist letch Francois Hollande ran along to Berlin and begged for money at the feet of German Chancellor Angela Merkel. As they headed off to the G8 summit in Chicago for a big fat jolly both agreed that France would carry on kissing German ring just like they always have done.

United Nations

special relationship

'LOL' 

This week live from the Oval Office, President Obama finally came out the closet and admitted he loves gay weddings. Fags, dykes & trannies all across the USA rejoiced and promised to carry on sucking his cock no matter what shit comes out his mouth. Fellow Brit, Prime Minister David Cameron also pledged his love for gay marriage and asked if British queers would suck his dick too but the answer was a big fat 'No' as Cameron is a cunt and poofs hate cunts.

London 2012

'Ken for London'

'better off with Ken'

Boris Johnson finally kicked the shit out of compulsive liar Ken Livingstone in this week’s London mayoral election. Megalomaniac Ken who lists his hobbies as Jew baiting and tax evasion spent the entire election denying he was a cunt. But the people of London had their say and declared 'Yes Ken you are a massive cunt!'