Shameless

'hang the cunts'

All the socialist shit came rushing to the defence of state funded Labour voter Mick Philpott. "The Tories and George Osborne are to blame, if they'd given him a bigger house none of this would've happened as it had nothing to do with all his kids and how much benefit he could claim".

Get the Drinks in

win win

David Cameron urged people not to give a toss about David Miliband by promising he won't let any more immigrants come in. "The Labour Party is swimming with cunts like him so in 2015 I will put a stop to any more of that white fucking shit getting in".

Coming Soon

The Shadow Chancellor

Ed Miliband & Ed Balls were creaming their pants at the prospect of raiding everyone's bank account to pay for Labour shit. "Cyprus has opened the door we can't believe we didn't think of it before! We have no fucking shame and thanks to that cunt Hugh Grant you can't complain".

The One Show

not the black one

This week David Cameron confirmed himself a massive cunt by promising fuck all alcohol for everyone. Closet poofs in Rome picked another one and Vicky Pryce was jailed for marrying one. Lord Ahmed proved he always was one and Eric Joyce showed the Police it takes one to know one. Finally the left-wing fucking shit are going to silence you with Leveson.

Dead Head

cancer

Hugo Chavez finally admitted to snuffing it leaving socialist shit across the globe crying the loss of chief thief. But in the UK, Ed Miliband is alive & well dreaming up new ways to fuck you. "We got it wrong on piss from pakistan & should've taxed the rich more to pay for them cunts too".

Resistance is Futile

'in the background'

The Lib Dems spent all week covering up their pervy shit and couldn't believe their luck when the inbreds of Eastleigh still voted for another lying prick. "Nick Clegg might be a massive tit but we are well & truly undeniably fucking thick".

Smash & Grab

asking for it

David Cameron took a huge bunch of lying cunts to India and dished out invitations to take over. "Britain needs your rupees! No need to come in the back of a van, you won't even have to integrate and it's all there waiting for you on a great big fuck off plate". 

The Untouchables

WANTED! 

With the Pope refusing to die in office there was no chance of any cunt losing their job in the UK as public sector shit always take the piss. But PM David Cameron denied any wrong doing by those poncing off the rest of us "Britain does not reward failure we fund all those who can get in".

Treated Like Dirt

'Bring Back Matron'

David Cameron declared the Labour Government 'not guilty' for killing over 1200 patients at Stafford NHS Hospital by socialist cunts armed with university degrees. Licking Dave's rim Ed Miliband thanked the PM "we musn't blame the nurses either as most of them don't speak any English".

Money No Object

grateful democratic Libya

As Britain edged closer to broke the liberal piss that run the country has borrowed £30billion to spend on a fucking train and even more on another wife beaters hole. David Cameron defended his plans "HS2 is needed for all the Labour voting shit up North, and by sticking our oar in Mali we get to pay for French fuck ups too".

Take Your Pick

'No-Go' Area

David Cameron pretended he wants out the EU while he begs to stay in "I will suck that much French & German cock we can fuck off the result". But the Labour party slammed the right to vote as racist "we won't be able to flood your town with shit from Europe so we'll do it with Tower Hamlets cunts instead".

Pond Life

'round them up'

Another mass trial of sunni shit meant Brits can sleep soundly knowing them cunts will be deported after their soft sentence. So no need to 'lock up your daughters' because in the UK our police and politicians make sure we're all safe from imports who outstay their fucking welcome.

Truth Be Told

laughing at you  

With MPs recommending themselves a 32% pay rise the coalition of Cameron & Clegg decided now was a good time to review pledges whilst stroking each others cock. "We're still pouring your money into sluts breeding piss and still covering up for the Police & the BBC in the Jimmy Savile shit".

Washington Redskins

nearly

Barack Obama avoided the fiscal shit guaranteeing more Hawaiian holidays for himself and that fat cow wife of his. "The European Union leads the world in pissing away public money and we must do the same. They have a magic money tree and we must get one too. God Bless America here's some tax hikes because like every cunt socialist I spend it better than you".